her vagine was all disorganized.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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