walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
