Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
