I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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