This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
