My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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