Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
