Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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