I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
