I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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