I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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