Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
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Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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