you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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