apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
