Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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