Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
