Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
