Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
