You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
