omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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