you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
