a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You dont lie about slip and slides
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
