i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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