how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The uberlube is also flammable
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
