I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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