Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
