She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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