i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
