Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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