Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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