Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
