If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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