the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
