I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
