Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
