I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
