Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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