You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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