Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
