just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
