I am puke
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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