I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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