One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
