I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
