Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
