my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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