Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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