So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
