i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
