I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize