At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
