1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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