You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
