Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We are all done wearing pants today
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