If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
