He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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