Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
