You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
