Well apparently he's into motor boating.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
