He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
