Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
