Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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