dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize