what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't think brook has ever known best
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
