FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
how drunk are you?
Several
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
