She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
