Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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