the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
