I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
