And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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