My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
