please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
