The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
